At the end of December I felt this strong desire to seek a time of solitude. A time to pull away from outside activities and stay at home. I have struggled a little along the way with the urge to "get out". I wasn't even sure why the Lord was leading me this way. Until I read this today.....
" In my solitude, I begin to realize that most of the good things available in my culture designed to keep me busy and occupied are not what they seem to be: so many good experiences, good works, good motives and intention begin to be seen for what they really are - self-centered diversions intended to keep me entertained and falsely thinking that in some way I may be contributing to the lives of others.
I learn to recognize and control my compulsive search for self-fulfillment that the purpose of God may be done in my heart. Because I have limited my involvement outside of my home, I have fewer meetings and projects to tend to. I also have fewer phone calls to make and receive; therefor , fewer assurances of my importance and value to others... fewer contacts with people... fewer friends.
All this leaves me with just me . . . vulnerable, weak, sinful, broken, naked . . . only me. I have no need to wear a mask or pretend I am something that I am not. I must now begin to face "me" the way I truly am. But it is so terribly lonely and unappealing that my natural compulsion is to pick the phone, go visit someone, do an errand, or any number of things so that I can forget my inadequacies and make myself believe I am really something.
If I have allowed myself to face my true nature, then I have begun replacing my will full desires with God's special, individual will for me. As a home school mom, my work is now at home but there is no one to see the good works I do there . . . no pats on the back . . . no smile of encouragement . . . none of the affirmation that I so desperately need.
But I make the decision, nevertheless, to embrace my solitude as God's will for me. I know He has much to teach me, but even as I take up the cross of solitude and allow Him to Lead Me to the place of death to myself, God is all I have left and I then must turn to Him, and abandon myself completely into His presence.
There is yet one more step to take in my solitude. It is easy to substitute fleshly diversions at home for those I gave up outside my home. If I allow the Holy Spirit to take me to the place of consecration - separating my members and all my faculties unto the Lord, as Romans 12:1, 2 commands, then I find more of self to contend with - more of my carnal nature rises up, for now I must also curb my television viewing and reading material. But if I make a "decisive dedication" of my mind to the Lord then I will begin to require only that which is pure, holy and true for the feeding and nurturing of my heart and mind - the Word of God and other literature directed by the guidance of the Holy Spirit.
How unappealing! But as I seek to know the Lord, He is faithful to reveal His truth to me, faithful to do the work in me, and faithful to bring me through, in victory, to the other side of my solitude, to the place where I no longer feel lonely, no longer feel insecure or weak. The God of miracles has literally transformed my weaknesses into His strengths and made me more fit for His calling on my life. And so He unexpectedly has also made me able to bless others with the Life that has filled me; for my old self is now dead and He lives and reigns in me. The secret then, of solitude, is that as I am confronted with my own sinful condition it compels me to surrender myself, yielding totally to the Lord."
" In my solitude, I begin to realize that most of the good things available in my culture designed to keep me busy and occupied are not what they seem to be: so many good experiences, good works, good motives and intention begin to be seen for what they really are - self-centered diversions intended to keep me entertained and falsely thinking that in some way I may be contributing to the lives of others.
I learn to recognize and control my compulsive search for self-fulfillment that the purpose of God may be done in my heart. Because I have limited my involvement outside of my home, I have fewer meetings and projects to tend to. I also have fewer phone calls to make and receive; therefor , fewer assurances of my importance and value to others... fewer contacts with people... fewer friends.
All this leaves me with just me . . . vulnerable, weak, sinful, broken, naked . . . only me. I have no need to wear a mask or pretend I am something that I am not. I must now begin to face "me" the way I truly am. But it is so terribly lonely and unappealing that my natural compulsion is to pick the phone, go visit someone, do an errand, or any number of things so that I can forget my inadequacies and make myself believe I am really something.
If I have allowed myself to face my true nature, then I have begun replacing my will full desires with God's special, individual will for me. As a home school mom, my work is now at home but there is no one to see the good works I do there . . . no pats on the back . . . no smile of encouragement . . . none of the affirmation that I so desperately need.
But I make the decision, nevertheless, to embrace my solitude as God's will for me. I know He has much to teach me, but even as I take up the cross of solitude and allow Him to Lead Me to the place of death to myself, God is all I have left and I then must turn to Him, and abandon myself completely into His presence.
There is yet one more step to take in my solitude. It is easy to substitute fleshly diversions at home for those I gave up outside my home. If I allow the Holy Spirit to take me to the place of consecration - separating my members and all my faculties unto the Lord, as Romans 12:1, 2 commands, then I find more of self to contend with - more of my carnal nature rises up, for now I must also curb my television viewing and reading material. But if I make a "decisive dedication" of my mind to the Lord then I will begin to require only that which is pure, holy and true for the feeding and nurturing of my heart and mind - the Word of God and other literature directed by the guidance of the Holy Spirit.
How unappealing! But as I seek to know the Lord, He is faithful to reveal His truth to me, faithful to do the work in me, and faithful to bring me through, in victory, to the other side of my solitude, to the place where I no longer feel lonely, no longer feel insecure or weak. The God of miracles has literally transformed my weaknesses into His strengths and made me more fit for His calling on my life. And so He unexpectedly has also made me able to bless others with the Life that has filled me; for my old self is now dead and He lives and reigns in me. The secret then, of solitude, is that as I am confronted with my own sinful condition it compels me to surrender myself, yielding totally to the Lord."
1 comment:
Miranda,
Beautiful post. I could have written that- I've been going on a similar journey these last 6 months or so. It's sometimes painful but very much worth it.
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