Rhythm

 We are loving these longer days, soaking up as many daylight hours as we can. Our barn project is getting closer and closer to completion. I love the way the boys have worked along side Chris reminds me of how the Amish do it with their children. I am sure lots of precious memories are being built in their minds.  I am enjoying the gentle rhythm of the last couple weeks. After every hospital stay it solidifies how precious time with our children really is.

There is so much negativity all around us lately in the news, so we have decided to have a media free summer. My little guys 9 and under will have no screens at all, while I will allow my older 3 sometime as needed. It's amazing the different rhythm this brings. I'd really like my children to see more of the beauty that is around them and the beauty in people. Protecting little ears from negative talk or coarse joking.

The babies continue to melt us all, I have waited a long time for them to be able to play together. I can't express the joy this bring to us. Our children all reach a place in our hearts but having a child like Henry reaches places you didn't know exist.  I am so in awe that I was chosen to be his Mama.

Bucket List

 I know this summer is going to fly by an I really want to make the most of it. 2014 has already whizzed by and it's time to make some joyful family memories.
So here is our summer bucket list. And friends you are more than welcome to come up for a visit this summer!

• Kayaking in the evenings
• Park days with my littles and friends
• Bon fires
• Pot lucks and bon fires
• Beach days
• Reading on the deck
• Sun tanning
• Waterslides
• Lots of eating on the deck
• Water balloons
• Swim
• Outdoor movie night
• VBS
• Paint in the yard
• Slip & Slide 
• Homemade popsicles

These Days

        April showers bring May..... wait it is May!!!  It has been raining for over 24 hours and my plans of being in the dirt quickly got replaced with a quiet afternoon of grilled cheese sandwiches, baby cuddles, throw blankets and movies.   I'm coming to appreciate moments like this in life, there is great comfort in the small things and letting the "to-do" list go.  Like standing at the sink washing bottles and pump equipment. My heart aches to nurse my baby, I long to have him comforted around my waist. Instead I remind myself to be thankful for the God given nutrition I am able to provide for his fighting little body. I choke back tears often that he is a tubie. (what us medical mama's call our feeding tube babies).   And this is the very definition of family. To sacrifice - to give even when it's hard- to not take the easy road or the road that you 'feel' is best for you but best for your family. Putting one foot in front of another in the rhythm of our days - the simple joys. And by these actions, we lead the way for our little ones to keep on keeping on. Moving forward, perhaps changed, perhaps stronger, perhaps with more love to give.  Isn't that the goal? Pouring love on all these people.  We love because Christ first loved us.

 With the last six months being absolutely heart wrenching I have been trying my best while at home to get my creative juices flowing again. To not get lost in the ache of a mothers heart... I have been having so many idea's floating around my head over the past few days.  So I put the kettle on for tea and got out my notebook and began to write.  Writing everything I would like to do over the next 6 months of crazy - the garden, the goat house, open learning with my kids.. you get the idea. So much to do so little time so once again I give myself the pep talk: Move slowly. Breath deeply. Be present. That is how I want these precious days of my life to be lived.

 

Make yourselves nests of pleasant thoughts, bright fancies faithful sayings; treasure-houses of precious and restful thoughts, which care cannot disturb nor poverty take away from you, houses built without hands for your souls to live in.

Joy Is...

                                                      This is brotherly love in its purest form.
                         To watch two babies that giggle on cue together or cry when one starts to cry.
                 Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep. Romans 12:15
 They teach me daily what love is,  to love more deeply without boarders. To trust with out boarders, to hold their wee hands loosely in mine not tight like sand slipping through the cracks of my fingers.   Joy is...

Pumping

 Almost 8 weeks of exclusively breastfeeding Seamus and 8 weeks of exclusively pumping for Henry. I nurse Seamus on demand aka every time he realizes he is not nursing, and pumping every 2.5 hours for 30 mins around the clock. Henry's feeds take about an hour a feed. He starts his feed  with EBM in a bottle but is only able to take in 20-30mls max and then tires out due to his heart the rest goes down the tube.
 Not being able to breastfeed Henry and pumping instead has been exhausting,  overwhelming, and to be really honest I feel inadequate. Which is nuts because this is all out of my control.
The feeding tube has become my frienemy. I hate it for all of its inconveniences and resent it because it represents that I feel like I have failed at the basic task of feeding my baby. At the same time, I love it because it means my baby is alive and MUCH healthier than he would be without it.
Henry having breast milk is so important to me, this baby has been threw so much already and really needs all those live antibodies to keep his immune system high.  Pumping like this makes me feel like I am doing SOMETHING to help this baby, every time I pump I tell myself "one more time".
  As hard as it is I also know it's one season of my life and each day, week, month that goes by I am so happy he has the very best.

The Day I Became a Heart Mother

One day my world came crashing down,
I'll never be the same.
They told me that my child was sick.
I thought, "am I to blame"?
I don't think I can handle this.
I am really not that strong.
It seemed my heart was breaking.
I have loved him for so long.

I will not give up on this child.
I will listen to your advice.
I will give my child any chance.
No matter what the price.
I will learn all that I need to help my child thrive.
I'll even use that feeding tube.
My child must survive!

Will he need a lot of therapy?
Will he gain the needed weight?
Please God, help me do this.
I will accept our fate.

When the monitors beep at night, it serves as my reminder.
How many parents would love that sound.
Tomorrow I will be kinder.
As another Angel earns his wings,
I run to my child's bed.
I watch him sleep for quite a while.
I bend down and kiss his head.
I cry for the parents whose hearts have been broken.
I look to You wondering why?
Oh Lord, I just can't know your ways....no matter how I try.

And yet, I trust you hold his life, and guide us through each day.
My mind says savor each moment he's here,
but my heart begs, "PLEASE let him stay"!

From pacing the surgical waiting room, to sitting by his bed. From wishing for a good nights sleep, to learning every med.
From wondering, "will he be alright?", to watching him reach out his hands.
With every smile my heart just melts, despite life's harsh demands.

For all who see that faded line.
I look to them and smile.
You see my child is loved so much.
I would face ANY trial.
That scar I trace with my finger (It's the door to his beautiful heart).
God must have known how much I'd love him (Just as He loved him from the start).

A heart mom is always a heart mom.
Now wise beyond her years.
For those who have angels in heaven,
Our hearts share in all of your tears.

Every day I will try and remember,
I was chosen for him (and no other).
I will always embrace that beautiful day.......
When I became a "Heart Mother".

- Author Unknown

The First 6 Weeks

 

Six weeks have whizzed by in the blink of an eye. We found ourselves back in children's hospital this past week and as you can see Henry now has an NG tube. He is taking way more expressed breast milk now.  I have never been more exhausted, lonely, stressed, insanely happy, thankful in my life.

I have been trying very hard to find a new rhythm in our home. Our family has a natural organic type flow to it, but with Henry's needs and many appointments it shakes things up a bit. Not in a bad way but a new way. I am enjoying the long hours rocking babies to sleep.  This simplicity of life and peacefulness of rhythm is a gift that comes with having babies and young children. Taking time when we are home and not at appointments to really soak in the normalcy of motherhood. We have come into a natural

My older children have been such a blessing, it heals my hurting heart to hear my almost 15 year old son sing babies to sleep.  Even though much has changed I feel a strong need to keep my nest, a strong protective fierceness has come over me.  My faith in the Lord is challenged and continues to grow, everyday I wake up to two smiling babies I thank-him for all nine of my children.

Night Time Parenting?

 

We have always been strong believers in co-sleeping and for us that means night time reassurance, comfort and cuddles.  Around age two all of our children have been interested in having their own beds and generally will start the night out there. Our little Hannah now 2.5 goes to bed at 7pm in her own bed and joins me in my bed around 1:30-2:00am, it's like clock work. It's always been important to us that our children know we are there for them 100% anytime of the day. I have never been one to let a baby/child cry in the night because crying tells me there is a need and that need should try to be met. For our bigger children it means one of us moving into their bed until they are comfortable and sleeping soundly. Sometimes we wake up there in the morning sometimes we make it back to our own bed. I personally think one should keep a bed open to children as long as possible.  If they want to be close to you, why deny the opportunity for connecting with them?  Growing up can be scary and wonderful and challenging. 

Childhood is such a short time and being open to just being there and being available gives children such a comfort.  

 

  This is one of those topic's that get mothers all wound up and that isn't my intention but more to share on what works for us.

For most of human history a baby has slept with his or her mother, or perhaps both parents. 

It was not even until 200 years ago cultures began to construct dwellings with more than one room. The majority of people around the world still live in one -room shelters where all activities take place.

50 out of 136 cultures evaluated by anthropologist John Whiting found mother slept with child and father slept in another place.

You know it does not matter how many times you get to do this, the wonder than another soul is being knit inside continues to keep you amazed.

Best Friends

Real “life training” begins at home when your sister won’t share her toys or when your little brother scribbles all over your new coloring book. It continues as you grow up and learn how to respond to daily trials and conflicts—big or small—that you experience at home. If you can’t succeed at home in the “small conflicts,” how will you be able to deal with bigger conflicts later in life?

Our brothers and sisters are one of the biggest blessings that God has given us! But sadly, many siblings fight, argue, and miss out on the close relationship that God intends. The problem is not just the surface battles, but the underlying attitudes, wrong concepts, and offenses. Many broken relationships never get fixed. Few enjoy the special, lifelong treasure that God intended. God desires that we not merely “get along” with our brothers and sisters, but that we become best friends!

Is this possible? Absolutely! God's Word has the answers for every situation, and the Lord gives grace to those who ask for it.

Rachael and Jude are my cloest spaced babies at 18 months apart. These two are best little friends, you can always find these two together.  

I read this little book a few years back,  it confirmed many of the things the Lord has already put in my heart for my family with some practical how-to's.

The Wonder of 2 Year Olds

This has got to be one of my most favorite ages.

They are so full of love and energy and everything must be done big. They have big needs and big emotions... They are growing and wanting to be big kids but are still babies. They still need lots of cuddles in the day and night, they need pulled onto our laps for stories read over and over. They need predictable days, warm meals with the family, they need songs sung while we zip up coats and tie up shoes.

Lots of outside time is a must running, pushing, pulling, playing in water, sand, and mud. I love how creative their little minds really are.

If there is one thing I have learned with 2 year old number five it is too keep out of the home excursions very limited, it's during this time that alot of daily training will take place and you really can't do that if your never home.

2 year olds need us to make their environment one that is peaceful. We don't need to feel guilty about saying no to outside commitments. This age is precious and they need to see mommy smile and delight in them because it is during this time they are being shaped and they will become what they see on your face. They need softness in our speech and excitement when they bring you into their little world. Don't listen to people tell you these are the terrible two's because this time is tiny and precious so soak up every minute you have with them.

Painting, naps, and warm baby's

Baby Jude's new Noggin Cozie from Nurtured by Nature.

Warmth is of vital importance for all young children, especially the younger ones. Children do not develop an accurate ability to interpret and understand their own body temperatures and needs until after their 8th birthdays. One constantly sees young children and babies with little limbs poking out, sometimes bare feet, no hats on, in strollers or hard plastic car seats or in slings – and yet look at the parent! S/he has a jacket on and perhaps a hat too – and is moving about. All babies under a year should wear a hat at all times. Silk-cotton is best and this can protect baby from heat as well as from cold and just adds another layer of protection to his delicate and vulnerable head, where so many sense impressions are centered.

Rachael following in her mama's foot steps, co-sleeping with her babies.

These are the older three kids oil paintings. They have been working on a few times a week. Austin's is of our dog Cash. Natalie's is her first oil painting of flowers in a vase.

And I had asked Zach to paint me one in blues he called it "a snowy night"

Lay Me Down In Peace

I will both lay me down in peace, and sleep: for thou, Lord, only makest me dwell in safety.
Psalm 3:8



A family is the formation center for human relationships. The family is the place where the deep understanding that people are significant, important, worthwhile, with a purpose in life, should be learned at any early age. Edith Schaeffer


There has been a bunch of activity here this week. After such a calm peaceful January,

I'm slowly starting to feel that nesting and getting ready for the arrival of our newest treasure. I'm so pleased to have a few things knit for this wee one.

Our days have been starting much earlier now with the sun peaking up just after six. When the older boys get home from delivering their papers they are staying up now. It's been wonderful to add in a couple more hours to our busy day. Starting with getting the laundry going right away. Oh what a difference it makes to get those 3 loads done. The children and I have been doing much more reading together. With not napping this gives me a good hour to rest on the sofa and all the children in one place together. I find by the later afternoon it takes much more effort to keep going as I get closer to the end of my pregnancy I'm getting more and more tired. I am just so thankful for Chris when he gets home from work and right away as soon as his work boots are off he's asking how he can help me out.

We have found with the children rising early bedtime is much earlier now too. Our youngest little man is hitting the hay right after dinner. I love seeing him all snuggled up in my big bed like a little prince.

This weekend Chris and I attended a wonderful seminar on peer influences on children. Nothing that this doctor spoke on was new information to us, but the Lord used him to remind us of just how important keeping attachments with our children is.

The Dr was explaining by peers being so important to our children we lose their attachment and they attach to their peers. Matthew 6:24 came to me right away and I whispered it into Chris's ear. "No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will hold to one and despise the other..."

It was affirmed over and over how important it is to keep your children with you. The Lord is showing me is such a strong way that if I want to raise children to choose the Lord as their God, we MUST MUST MUST reject the world's very poor advice that our children "need" to socialize outside the home. We must believe the Lord with all our heart when He says, "Therefore, come out from their midst and be separate."

I must say it is a huge blessing to be on the same page with your spouse on parenting.

In the wee hours

If we would have a true home, we must guard well our thoughts and actions. A single bitter word may disquiet the home for a whole day; but, like unexpected flowers which spring up along our path full of freshness, fragrance and beauty, so do kind words and gentle acts and sweet disposition make glad the home where peace and blessing dwell. No matter how humble the abode, if it be thus garnished with grace and sweetened by kindness and smiles, the heart will turn lovingly towards it from all the tumults of the world, and home, " be it ever so humble," will be the dearest spot under the sun.

I love the stillness snow brings. It's so white and beautiful out the windows I can't help but stare. I'll be truly sad to see the snow melt!

During each of my pregnancies I tend to not sleep well. It is almost 12:00 am and I am tired but can not seem to fall asleep. The Lord is ever so gracious to me that even though I get few hours in the night I wake up refreshed. We had a wonderful evening meal together and my amazing little men did all the clean up. I must say the kitchen was probably cleaner than I leave it after a meal.

While the boys worked away on that, Chris and I bathed the little ones and did some memory scripture verses with them. Once everyone was tucked into there beds I lit some candles and crawled into bed myself to give my youngest little treasure a snuggle. I am so abundantly blessed to watch her drift off to sleep in my arms. Gosh I just glanced at the clock.....almost 1:00am ~good night~

What Matters Most Again.....

Evening bedtime bath.

This week we had nowhere to be but home. It was so good for the children to forget about the outside world for awhile and just be together. Something special happens when it is just us.

braided hair

imagination

Sweet Siblings

A sibling relationship is one that is so important to me. From the earliest age I can be heard saying “are you having fun with your best friend?” We want them to know that friends will come and go but there siblings will always be there. Chris and I strive for peace and closeness in their relationships while encouraging time with one another and not with 'peers'. It can be a hard road sometimes. It’s so sad to me to see siblings that can’t stand to be together and would rather be with friends. There is nothing that makes a Christian home sweeter than siblings who truly love and enjoy each other.

Crabby Mommy Days

Yesterday was one of those "crabby mommy days" It didn't matter what was going on I was irritated. It felt like if my preschooler wasn't whining someone was making some strange horse sounds and running around riding the broom like a horse. And of course my older ones seemed to have all the answers.
I came into my bedroom and thoughts of Proverbs 15:1 "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger"

I ended up being harsher than I normally would in my tone. And I could see the look in there eyes. Which broke my heart, it was on of those moments that you swore you wouldn't have with your children. When I was growing up I don't think my parents ever said they were sorry. And even if they did my reaction was "wrong" so it was still my fault.

Before bedtime I had to get down on their level and look them in the eyes and confess to them how wrong I was. How sad I was I let my flesh speak and not the Lord. My children are so forgiving they smiled and and said I love you with hugs and kisses. Being broken is such a beautiful place to be especially in front of the littlest ones. They really show you the Grace of God with how quick to forgive they are. And besides that it is good for me to confess my sin to them it keeps my heart in the right spot......humble

Leg Pains

First off I must start this post by say how awesome my husband is, and how easy he makes it to want to have a bunch more children.
So far all my children have woke-up in the nights with leg pains. And he is the first to jump up to rub their legs. I have read and researched every natural holistic way to treat this and so far all I have found that brings relief is a heating bag and Hyland's Calms 4 Kids.

Hello Beauty

I get to wake-up to this little beauty every morning. Aren't I blessed?

Really how could anyone wake up grumpy when you have sweet baby breath on you?

All my babies have co-slept until around 2 1/2 yrs, and for us it's such a precious memory.

In fact we still have a few that crawl in to our bed at night. I woke up this morning with Natalie

tucked in bedside me. Today I was going through pictures and I was reminded of just how fast

our time mothering littles goes, and to just enjoy today.