Joy Is...

                                                      This is brotherly love in its purest form.
                         To watch two babies that giggle on cue together or cry when one starts to cry.
                 Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep. Romans 12:15
 They teach me daily what love is,  to love more deeply without boarders. To trust with out boarders, to hold their wee hands loosely in mine not tight like sand slipping through the cracks of my fingers.   Joy is...

Our Story

 The past 3 weeks have been spent in hospital with our precious treasure Henry. He was having a hard time holding his oxygen up. Henry has been through so much in 12 weeks of life he has had  6 echos, 6 EKG, 10 x rays , feeding study,  1 OHS, 2 ct scans I lost count of all the pokes, and 4 admissions..

 

This song was written by a fellow heart mom and she nailed it exactly what life is like. I don't think it will ever get easy. I have never had my heart break into so many piece yet held together by how much joy this tiny life brings me.  Many nights I would be up in my rocking chair at the hospital praying but my prayers are more like helpless pleas to the one who can heal him. It's funny how when your pregnant and people ask you " what do you want a boy or a girl?" and the answer is " doesn't matter as long as it's healthy." You know a baby who isn't healthy you want just the same.

 

 

After a week in our local hospital we were transferred to BC Children's Hospital by an air ambulance.

We were eight days at BCCH where many tests where done,  Henry was in heart failure, he had an upper GI study done which showed his milk going down the vocal cords into his lungs he was later diagnosed with Chronic Lung Disease he was aspirating his feeds and is now 100% NG tube fed, he has pulmonary hypertension which he is now on meds for. We were then transferred back to our local hospital where we spent another week. The days are emotion filled and from one hour to the next he is doing OK to not good.

Henry and Seamus are quite the ladies men charming every nurse that came in the room. I am so thankful each and every nurse that poured love onto my babies daily they really do become family. I am thankful for the friends that came in the evening and rocked Seamus to sleep so I could cuddle Henry, Dana, Kerri, Erin, Sarah, Heather, and to my friend Danielle that pumped her breast milk for Seamus for the 12 hours I was away from him during our transfer. My fellow heart mom Brandee that's been on the other end of the computer encouraging me cheering me on. Though we have only met once I am so thankful for her.
Although I never would have chose this life we are growing in huge ways. I think when we only have healthy kids we don't realise in the deepest way what a gift each day is.

My oldest four spending a whole week at Walmart selling
pop corn to raise money for all our trips and bills while Chris
is off work.  I have never felt so proud of them to see they truly
get what being a family is all about.  The praise from our community
has been overwhelming.

  Day 2 of being home now. It's actually really hard when you first come home.. It's really overwhelming to be home without the doctor just down the hall. It's such a mix of emotion thrilled to be a family under one roof again but sad cause it feels like your home more "broken" then you went in... And it's not how you wanted or envisioned going home. It's hard cause everyone expects you to be so happy yet you spent a lot of time worried.

 It will be OK we will find our groove and dance around the crazy amount of tubing. 

Friday Already

Friday already?! I'm looking forward to having Chris home for two days. Even though he's been home he's been very ill. He has lost 15 lbs since the beginning of his trip. But is on the mend with his energy back.

We have been back to school for a full week now. I love having these guys with me all day, it really builds character in me. How could it not?
It's been busy! Training little ones in the mists of all the work. Nipping somethings in the bud, that I had missed. But after 3 days there is light! Praise God!

Chris and I have really been talking about the links between bitterness and pride. I have asked Chris to pray for me daily that I will walk humbly and not react to things in haste. Even if I'm just reacting to my husband, it's still wrong. I read this list this week and wrote it out for my fridge and also a quote on bitterness.

Common Signs of Bitterness:

1. Gossip and Slander

2. Ungrateful and Complaining

3. Judges Motives

4. Self-centered

5. Excessive Sorrow

6. Vengeful

7. Brooding

8. Loss of Joy

9. A Critical, Judgmental Attitude

Entertaining bitterness can result in a woman who acts out and yells at her husband & children, pouts to get attention, name-calls, criticizes, manipulates by crying (or silence) to get her way, and acts no less like a child who is throwing a tantrum. Only now, the scary thing is...she is a full blown adult! It truly defiles her family and herself. (Heb 12:15)

"The total price for your sin has been paid. “It is finished!” The debt is cancelled. God’s justice was completely satisfied. The pen of your Heavenly Father’s sovereign grace has written with the ink of His own Son’s blood, “You are forgiven for all, and you are Mine forever.” Nothing more can be done. No one can sew back the veil that was torn in two at the entrance to the Holy of Holies. The Father Himself tore it from top to bottom because His Son’s torn flesh and shed blood paid the full price. Bring your sin and shame before Him and He will cleanse your soul and conscience once again, and He will do it as often as you need it. You can rejoice—truly rejoice—in His steadfast love for you. Hate the sin and shame because of the grief it causes your Heavenly Lover; be honest with Him about it; thankfully receive the gift bought by His Son, the Lord Jesus, and rejoice with praise."