July

 

Summer on our mini homestead has been busy. Henry has kept us on our toes in and out of the hospital but between all our medical concerns life keeps trucking along and unfolding before us. The children have been crafting in their free time. Zach has been building a Waldorf village and Austin has been making and selling survival bracelets.  We have had friends up for farm campouts, bon fires, smores, and day trips.   Our days at home are slow and perfectly-paced. Not knowing what is happening from day to day with our wee little man stretches us all and we hold plans loosely in our hands. But here we are - growing alongside each other, trying new things, and falling back into the arms of each other to rejoice in the glory, the mistakes, and mostly, the adventure of it all. A lot of adventure. We continue to dream and plan and do things that are "crazy" in the eyes of the world.  Choosing to stand naked before our sovereign God, stripping off any and all fear and distrust. God's love is bigger than any earthly crisis. His ways are higher than mine so what do I have to fear. I rest knowing he holds every detail of our life in his gigantic loving hand, even though the enemy comes and tries to whisper his lies I breath deep and find my rest in his never-slipping grip. 

Joy Is...

                                                      This is brotherly love in its purest form.
                         To watch two babies that giggle on cue together or cry when one starts to cry.
                 Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep. Romans 12:15
 They teach me daily what love is,  to love more deeply without boarders. To trust with out boarders, to hold their wee hands loosely in mine not tight like sand slipping through the cracks of my fingers.   Joy is...

Our Story

 The past 3 weeks have been spent in hospital with our precious treasure Henry. He was having a hard time holding his oxygen up. Henry has been through so much in 12 weeks of life he has had  6 echos, 6 EKG, 10 x rays , feeding study,  1 OHS, 2 ct scans I lost count of all the pokes, and 4 admissions..

 

This song was written by a fellow heart mom and she nailed it exactly what life is like. I don't think it will ever get easy. I have never had my heart break into so many piece yet held together by how much joy this tiny life brings me.  Many nights I would be up in my rocking chair at the hospital praying but my prayers are more like helpless pleas to the one who can heal him. It's funny how when your pregnant and people ask you " what do you want a boy or a girl?" and the answer is " doesn't matter as long as it's healthy." You know a baby who isn't healthy you want just the same.

 

 

After a week in our local hospital we were transferred to BC Children's Hospital by an air ambulance.

We were eight days at BCCH where many tests where done,  Henry was in heart failure, he had an upper GI study done which showed his milk going down the vocal cords into his lungs he was later diagnosed with Chronic Lung Disease he was aspirating his feeds and is now 100% NG tube fed, he has pulmonary hypertension which he is now on meds for. We were then transferred back to our local hospital where we spent another week. The days are emotion filled and from one hour to the next he is doing OK to not good.

Henry and Seamus are quite the ladies men charming every nurse that came in the room. I am so thankful each and every nurse that poured love onto my babies daily they really do become family. I am thankful for the friends that came in the evening and rocked Seamus to sleep so I could cuddle Henry, Dana, Kerri, Erin, Sarah, Heather, and to my friend Danielle that pumped her breast milk for Seamus for the 12 hours I was away from him during our transfer. My fellow heart mom Brandee that's been on the other end of the computer encouraging me cheering me on. Though we have only met once I am so thankful for her.
Although I never would have chose this life we are growing in huge ways. I think when we only have healthy kids we don't realise in the deepest way what a gift each day is.

My oldest four spending a whole week at Walmart selling
pop corn to raise money for all our trips and bills while Chris
is off work.  I have never felt so proud of them to see they truly
get what being a family is all about.  The praise from our community
has been overwhelming.

  Day 2 of being home now. It's actually really hard when you first come home.. It's really overwhelming to be home without the doctor just down the hall. It's such a mix of emotion thrilled to be a family under one roof again but sad cause it feels like your home more "broken" then you went in... And it's not how you wanted or envisioned going home. It's hard cause everyone expects you to be so happy yet you spent a lot of time worried.

 It will be OK we will find our groove and dance around the crazy amount of tubing. 

Looking Ahead 2014

 Since Christmas Day I have been held prisoner to my bedroom with two very delicious baby boys. The stomach flu has ripped through our house so to keep the babies safe we have isolated and all the sick ones have been evicted downstairs where they all can use the same bathroom. Let me tell you this past week has been extremely hard. Six children puking all at the same time laundry that isn't getting done fast enough.  I think we are at the tail end now though, nobody has been sick in almost 24 hours just very sleepy. Five days in my bedroom has given me a lot of time to think about this up coming  year.  I never in my dreams thought Children's Hospital would be such a large part of our life.   Chris and I have taken time to give each other pep talks when fear and worry creep in.  Let me tell you when you are holding those precious little gifts all the Sunday School answers go flying out the window.
So things this year I want to focus on..

• Prayer.. cause really it's all I got.
• A positive attitude, speak blessing into situations and people.
• To see the wonder and beauty in everyday even the hard yucky days and write it down.
• To love more.
• To smile. 
• To give.

2013 IN PICTURES

Jan

• Tubing
• Skiing
• Chris and I had our very first night away in 15 years
• I had my wisdom teeth out

Feb

• Hannah turns 2
• Valentines Day party
• Chris and I go for fondue Valentines Day

Mar

• We find out we are expecting!
• Austin turns 14
• St. Patrick's Day party with homeschool friends
• Spring walks

April

• The snow melts and some outside fun starts.
• Jude turns 4
• Quad rides
• Bowling

May

• Horses come back!
• Horse back riding
• Presley turns 8
• Garden gets started

June

• Swimming!
• Natalie turns 10
• Kayaking
• Boating
• Fishing
•  Swimming in the lake with friends
• Community BBQ`S
• Water slides at H2O

                                                                                     July

• VBS
• Camping at the cabin
• Bon fires
• Sleeping in the tent
• Find out we are having twins!

                                                                                    August

• Daily swimming in the back yard
• Hatching baby chicks
• Back yard movie night
• Friends from out of town come
• Road trip for the day
• Butchering chickens at a friends
• Pot lucks
• Getting fire wood
• 15 years of marriage
• Bought a 15 passenger van

                                                                                   Sept

• Soaking up as much outdoor summer fun as we can.
• Chris turns 35
• Chris`s brother gets in major motorcycle accident in Mexico
• A very good friend threw me the most awesome diaper shower
• Kelly O's nights with girlfriends

October

• Rachael turns 6!
• Learned how to make my own tea from my property
• Weekly ultrasounds start
• All you can eat sushi nights with family
• Swimming at the pool
• I turn 32.

Nov

• Count down to babies!
• Seamus and Henry arrive!
• Henry had open heart surgery at 6 days old.
• Met some of the most amazing new friends.

 

Dec

• Soaking it all in!
• Zachary turns 13
• Austin and a friend go see the long awaited Hunger Games
• Zac and Natalie go see the Hobbit.
• Henry gets re-admitted to Children's
• NG tube put in
• The flu hits

Blessed Beyond Understanding

  I realized my last blog post might not have made sense to those that didn't know what went on.
An hour and a half after the twins were born the pediatrician heard a heart murmur in Henry. He was took to the NICU to be looked over as his oxygen levels were a little low. After an ultrasound and phone calls with children's we found out our baby had a very rare heart defect that would require surgery.    I bluntly asked the pediatrician  "could he die?", and when he answered back "Yes" I felt as if he took a 2X4 to my head. I cried and prayed all night. Every couple hours Chris would help me into a wheel chair and take me to him, I would lay my hands on him tears streaming down my face praying not caring who was right there.  We were air lifted to Children's early that morning.  There are so may details I could share but to be honest it's exhausting.

We have been home a week and it's been good to have Chris home and process it all together.  Learning more about what the next 18 years are going to look like.  On Sunday our pastor said something to the effect of " look around at the people in your life and that God has placed them there".  We have been thrown head first into the medical world and are meeting some pretty fantastic people. I spent nights in the PICU rocking Henry and talking to nurses for hours.  Having nine children is an awesome conversation starter and because the choice to have a large-ish family is so strongly attached to our faith we were able to share so many things.

   I have never prayed for a doctor like I have for this man. He truly is amazing! It took everything in me when we were leaving to not tell him I loved him. :) 
Henry was on Global News 

 Henry is starting to take in a tiny bit more a feeding, but Thursday we will decide with the pediatrician if an NG tube might be a little easier on him.  I think we are leaning towards that has feeding is so hard on his breathing right now. I am thrilled he has made it back to his birth weight this week where Seamus is now well over 8lbs! 
Other than the high demands of my little man adding two has been absolutely wonderful. I am blissfully exhausted and enjoying every second of them. Henry is easy going and relaxed exactly how I knew him in the womb and Seamus has a little more fire, believes he is truly starving when not attached to me. He makes pumping for Henry a little difficult cause he really gets mad when someone else takes him for a moment.

Loving People

   It's been one of those weeks/months when it's easier to not look at the pain, the shame, the guilt others carry.  I sit here with the scriptures open questioning, how do you keep on loving when it seems so hard? How do you lay down your life again and again? As a wife and a mother the answers seem to just come, but when it comes to the outside what does that look like?  There is a lot of ugly in life. In the world. In people. In places, and in our hearts. There is a lot of ugly right here in me.

 It's hard when you feel like your losing hope and you have cried out to the Lord and nothing changes... When your believing for the miracle that doesn't happen..

 

 I remind myself of all I have seen, and set my hope fully on what we have not yet seen. Placing all of my hope and all of my trust and all of my focus on the grace given to us through Christ.

We went to church yesterday, what a timely encouraging sermon, it was if God was whispering "keep going, keep loving change will happen"  When you really get into life with people and decide to just say I'm not going anywhere, I may not agree with your choices but I am going to be here and love you anyway.

 

 I believe - that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
This is a big one-when you choose to walk through life with someone no matter what. It doesn't mater if you agree/disagree have the same convictions or what-ever. I think a lot more people would feel loved if we didn't measure each other so much.

I believe - that no matter how good a person is they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that. 
Yep! We have been hurt by someone and we have hurt someone. All guilty.

  I believe - that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
Growing takes a long time, I screw up a lot!  There is still a long ways to go, so be patient with each other.

  I believe - that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them. Sadly this is something I had to learn how to do. It wasn't that I didn't love people but I learned people need to simply hear "I love you".

  I believe - that you can keep going long after you can't.
I have lived some horrific things and still came out on the other side with a deeper faith.

 I believe - that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
That's what being a mom is.

I believe - that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I believe - that friends can do anything or nothing and have the best time! .

I believe - that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I believe - that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I believe - that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I believe - that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I believe - that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I believe - that your life can be changed in a matter of hour's by people who don't even know you.

I believe - that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

WOMBman

My little midwife in training, this girl can pin down two babies heart beats using a fetoscope!

“History has never been dominated by majorities, but only by dedicated minorities who stand unconditionally on their faith.”

"As Christian mothers, we can march forth boldly into an unknown future, trusting our sovereign, omniscient, loving Father who works all things for our good."

"God says that children are a blessing and a reward, and I want as much of that reward as He will give me! But my motivation is not to store up children like a rich man hoards treasure but rather to raise them to love Christ and to put their hands to the plow for a lifetime of faithful Kingdom work."

"My body is only a temporary home for my spirit, and one day it will wear out, but the children God was pleased to bring into this world through my body will live eternally. I can think of no nobler use for my body than that."


"My husband and I have grown closer through parenting, and it is a precious aspect of the relationship we share together. We are of one heart and one mind, and neither of us feels that our children detract from our relationship; rather our love for one another has deepened as our family circle has expanded. We see raising godly children for the Lord as our most important life’s work, and it is an incredible joy to labor together toward that end."

"Our theology affects our view of risk. The Bible teaches us that God is sovereign over everything, and that I will have the children He has foreordained for me to have since before the foundation of the world. There is no risk; there are only the perfect plans of my God. Many Christians have too low a view of God’s sovereignty. They say they trust God, but then they don’t want to do anything that seems risky. I want to live boldly for Christ and trust the outcomes to my loving, omnipotent, sovereign Heavenly Father. To be truly pro-life is to say that all children are created in the image of God and are, therefore, to be embraced."

My favorite quotes from the book Three Decades o Fertility

Sabbath Rest

       We began observing the 7th day Sabbath from Friday at sundown to Saturday at Sundown after we read the Scriptures thoroughly and repeatedly and could not find anywhere where the Sabbath was changed to Sunday.. The more we read the Scriptures it seemed as if a veil was being lifted from our eyes. 
This was a complete letting go for us, Saturday has always been our "work bee" day, when the yard got mowed the laundry got caught up. Chris had a side job he did early Saturday mornings and he would rotate the children taking them for breakfast, it was a sacrifice that we had to make that we trust God will bless.
Friday has been spent preparing food for the Sabbath getting laundry caught up and getting the house spic and span for the coming day.

I will say it's been hard to stop and slow down, we have spent this time watching teachings online and talking, napping, playing games with the children.   Our hearts desire it to fully submit to our Heavenly Father . What convicted us most was that we whole heartily obeyed all other 9 commandments but not the fourth?  We were able to make so many excuses of why it could never work.

The Old Testament law was "fulfilled" by Christ (meaning that He kept it fully). The Sabbath law was part of the Ten Commandments given to Moses, not part of the ceremonial laws given to the Jews alone. The Ten Commanments are the basis for the moral law that all men are to live by not just those that are believers. I can not see anywhere in the new testament where we are given permission to disregard any of this moral code. What I do see is Jesus taught us how to fully keep it in spirit and truth, not just as an outward form.

Deuteronomy 30:11-20

¹¹ Now what I am commanding you today is not too difficult for you or beyond your reach. ¹² It is not up in heaven, so that you have to ask, “Who will ascend into heaven to get it and proclaim it to us so we may obey it?” ¹³ Nor is it beyond the sea, so that you have to ask, “Who will cross the sea to get it and proclaim it to us so we may obey it?” ¹⁴ No, the word is very near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart so you may obey it.
¹⁵ See, I set before you today life and prosperity, death and destruction. ¹⁶ For I command you today to love the Lord your God, to walk in obedience to him, and to keep his commands, decrees and laws; then you will live and increase, and the Lord your God will bless you in the land you are entering to possess.
¹⁷ But if your heart turns away and you are not obedient, and if you are drawn away to bow down to other gods and worship them, ¹⁸ I declare to you this day that you will certainly be destroyed. You will not live long in the land you are crossing the Jordan to enter and possess.
¹⁹ This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live ²⁰ and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the Lord is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.

Ezekiel 20
19 I am
יהוה
your Elohim; walk in my statutes, and keep my judgments, and do them;
20 And hallow my Sabbaths; and they shall be a sign between me and you,
that ye may know that I am
יהוה
your Elohim.

So Blessed By Church Family

 Someone in our church family made me this special little box with a FULL baggie of scripture. Each strip has my name in each verse. 

The Lord has been POURING encouragement over me lately through little messages. I just wanted to C&P them here into my blog so I don't lose them cause each one had the tears falling.

This message is from last week from a young mom in our church with a little baby. "You're such a sweet Mama Miranda! Your little monkeys are so blessed by you and I frequently look at your sweet row of children at church and pray that I am as good of a mom and that my children are as lovely as yours."

This one was a email from an older woman in our church that I don't know very well but really want to get to know better! "Miranda, you have much to share, you are a proverbs 31 woman, you are a Titus 2 woman, you are a gifting, do not allow Satan to silence you. God is pouring into you what many need to hear in our church, and outside. Trust God to bring out His purpose in you.
you may not be old, but you are wise! I pray He will continue to Bless you in your faithfulness to your family"
 
  When I found out we were expecting this time we were so over joyed. A feeling of awe washed over me. Realizing that a miracle has occurred inside my body is such a thrill it's hard to describe. I walk around for the first few days feeling as if I am the most special woman in the world. This time though the enemy tried to steal that from me. I struggled with telling people. I did not want anyone to say something rude or negative.  I was so anxious about it I was losing sleep! But the Lord is so good! I have not had one negative comment in fact I have been lavished with encouragement which has just brought me to my knees in thankfulness!

    

 

    The last few weeks have been fighting off  some sort of tummy bug, and when you are raising a large family there is nothing fast about it when each one gets sick one at a time.  The nights leave me extremely tired in the morning. It seems today everyone is on the mend, I have been praying and rubbing backs for what feels like hours through the night.

                 On top of sick children the enemy has been bringing attack after attack. Isn't that just how he works though?! Chris and I have been digging deeper into His word and trusting in areas we never recognised and one after another the fire darts of the enemy started coming. I praise God that right away He reminded me we are not in a battle against flesh and blood and to look past the person and see who our real enemy is! This has brought me so much freedom to continue to walk in love. Even though my flesh hurts!! I know the truth!

 I was so encouraged by our family devotional time as it was about storms we face.
Today was about the sea of galilee and the scientific reasons for how many storms it gets.

    Our lives face storms without warning -an accident , a job loss, a fire, a sudden bereavement. One morning at 1:30, my phone rang. I listened in disbelief to the choking voice of my friend. "Howard, our son died in a car accident tonight. The police officer who told us just left". The son was 17 years old. My wife and I spend the rest of the night with the family. We invited Jesus into our ship of sorrow. I saw in their lives His calming presence. Although the situation wasn't reversed as it was in our daily read from John, I saw the power of God even as the wave of grief swept over the family.
Being confronted by sudden storms doesn't necessarily mean we are outside the will of God. We, like the Sea of Galilee, are prone to storms arising in our lives. Let's call on the Marker and the Master of the seas to give us peace. Sometimes He calms the storms; more often He calms the soul.