Reality Check

I know 100% that the Lord is with me in every moment of my mothering. He is with me when I feel overwhelmed and even when I feel I can’t cope. He is with me in all the frustrations. He is with me when I tackle another mound of dishes. He is with me as I scrub and clean. But the other night I decided I would try this mothering thing out on my own and the weight fell.

I literaly took it from Jesus and chose to carry it on my own for about 2 hours. I let fear and worry take over, the weight was too much for me to carry on my own. I cried and tried to talk through it but the fact was, I felt like the worst mom ever.

Mothering is wonderful and joyful when you do it with the Lord. He takes care of all the heavy stuff for you. I have never had such a revelation like this on how much we need the Lord in the day to day.

So here's what happened...

The other night while I was putting up my last blog post I said to Chris " every time I take a picture of Zach his eye always goes white." I thought it was my camera or the angel I was taking the picture. That was until I googled "white eye refection in photo" My world stopped.
You seen Zach is blind in his left eye all he sees it a mush of light and color. Chris and I went back in our photo's to 2006 and sure enough it's every photo and in his "bad eye". Fear took over, google is bad for that. I sobbed and sobbed how did I never put this together? What kind of mother am I to never notice?

The next morning I called an opthamologist and thankfully got in a few hours later. Even the fact they got me in like that made it worse and fear was eating me alive.
So it turns out his lense is mis-shapen and that is why the camera goes funky on me. His eye is pulling in now too because it's weak.


So this little 12 hour roller coaster ride was enough to make me sick. But also caused me to really look at my mothering. Am I truly loving my children? do they know this? is my face showing love to them?
I believe every minute has the potential to be a special one. Quality time is perspective. It is everyday life!

So today I choose to rest in my Abba Father to take care of me. Today I will curl up on my sofa and nurse my baby. He is with me as I read stories to my children and in the daily disciplines of teaching and training my children. My whole attitude, and the atmosphere of my home, changes when I understand that God is powerfully with me in every mothering moment.

Oh God, help me to raise my children with joy. Help me to fill my home with thanksgiving all day long. Amen.”