Almost midnight... ~sigh~ the house is pitch black I forgot to shut my bedroom curtains again the moon light is shining right into my room. My sweet little Hannah is sound asleep beside me. I can hear the breaths of Chris deep and rest full. And me I sit here in the dark with tears streaming down my cheeks. Three night in a row this has happened, and it doesn't stop. I pull my baby in close pushing my nose on her soft little head drinking in her newborn smell and the tears become heavy sobs, you know the kind that come from deep down and your whole body physical hurts? I wake in the morning with swollen eye lids. I have never been moved so deeply into prayer. This prayer feels different, I don't think I could put it into words. My bedroom fills with this thickness of the Holy Spirit I can feel it. ~the tears keep coming~ Time it's going so fast,
I blink and we are celebrating another child's birthday. Did I make sure that he/she knew every signal day what a gift he/she is to me. How many times have I been busy doing "my thing" and I didn't even hear what was said?
How many times has my husband wrapped his arms around me while I'm fixing dinner and I brushed him off because I'm in a hurry to get things on the table?
It's going too fast and yet I can't seem to slow it down. There is no way in the world to get everything I need to done in the day. I become upset when things demand my time... help me Jesus...- be present- be here... when my head my thoughts rob me of my time. When my sin continues to show up again and again. Change me Lord!
Sleepy feet find there way through the dark into my bed. Natalie comes in "can I sleep with you?" it's these moments~ these moments that make my heart race. One day she won't stumble into my room in the middle of the night.
Or have tiny babies curled around my waist nursing in the wee hours.
The sobs continue to grow into the night as I listen in the stillness to the gulps as my baby drinks in love. ~time ~ it brings grace. I see as I get farther and farther along in this journey of motherhood ~grace~
Keep yourselves in God’s love as you wait for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ…
~Jude 1:21
2 comments:
A beautiful post. I have been feeling the exact same way. This precious time with our children goes so very fast. I want to be present, taking in every moment and blessing but I get wound up in my own selfishness. Thank you for writing. It was really moving.
Crying...
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