Tea Party Day

“What a help it is to live amongst and be intimate with keen Christians. How much we owe in our own lives to contact with them!” ~Evelyn Underhill

Sharing tea with children is just one more tangible way of offering the gift of our time and our attention, sharing ourselves and passing on what we've learned. -Emile Barnes, If Teacups Could Talk

This morning I woke up and decided we were going to have a spring party. Today we are just going to enjoy each other. We worked away together everyone doing something. The older ones working together to bake a cake. Littles with sticky grubby hands licking what they could get from the batter covered bowls and spoons.

Natalie set the table with flowers and tea cups and her own creative touches.

It's been heavy on my heart to make sure these seven children knew with out a doubt that they are one of the most important relationships aside from Jesus and Chris in my life. That 100% percent they are gifts that I 100% don't deserve.

The truth is I'm broken... I have a broken heart. Being here in this place rips your eyes wide open. Open to everything - everything you have- the amazing wonder of the Grace of Jesus poured out in your life. And all you see in this sinful heart - this heart that all you can offer is filthy rags.

There laughter brings a balm to my soul - Natalie's eye's light up like a fire with gasoline pored on as she tells her story with much animation. Choking on her tea as her laughter spills out her belly. Soon we all are laughing as not one of us can understand a word she is saying.

Count them all....

13. squishy baby chub

14. 12 year old hugs from a boy taller than I

15. craft mess on the floor-it shows time spent together

16. the raw gut wrenching pain that death brings- for it's only there we really see God's Grace

17. long hugs after a hard day

18. tea with friends who love you

19. neighbors that would drop anything for you

20. evening mommy walks

21. hot baths

22. grubby little hands from an afternoon outside

He Provides

One time when Natalie was four years old she was really in need of new socks. As I was tucking her in she was telling me what colors she wanted. While we were praying together she prayed that God would give baby Rachael new socks too. I didn't think much of it other than it was cute she wanted the baby to be like her. She prayed this for about 2 weeks every night. Well one morning I went to get the mail and I had gotten a package from an online friend. She had a baby girl the day after I had Rachael. Inside there was a handmade dress and some baby socks.... The note said " I know socks is a funny thing to send but Emma ended up with a bunch I hope you can use them" LOL Thank you Jesus! He made himself real and answered the child like prayers of a 4 year old. I could tell you of another time back when we only had four little ones Chris was cooking for a local restaurant and we were just making it and all the kids really needed winter boots. I knew there was no room in our budget so all I could do was pray. I ask Jesus to make a way even when it seemed there was none. A few days later we went to my inlaws for dinner and someone had dropped off winter boots for the team going down to Guatemala. Well there's no need for winter boots there so my mother in law told me to take a look and see if I wanted them. Let me tell you I don't cry at much and this broke me. There was 3 boy one and 1 girl in their exact sizes. Or I could tell you of a time when we were first married and looking for work and running out of food. Yet to prideful to ask for help and in our church mail box there was a $200 gift card to Safeway. Or times when money just shows up in our mail box. Or the time last year our truck sat in the drive way broke down and we prayed for 3 weeks and after paying all our bill there was $1000 extra!! I have many stories like this, but the most recent one is for a few weeks now I have been looking through kijiji for a headboard for my girls bedroom. I was looking for something decent even if it needed paint that was OK. But nothing was coming up, the other night I was laying in bed and I thought "I'm just going to ask the Lord for one". HE is so faithful and he truly does provide us with gifts. Friday night I get a call asking if we want a queen size bed and headboard and that it's only a year old . All I really needed was the headboard but it was the wrong size. My girls had a double bed. We took it and decided we would bless someone else that we knew of that really was in need of a double bed. It's pretty exciting to see how He provides all our wants and needs. :)

Chats and snacks with mommy

Count them all....

1. warm little bodies snuggled in my bed in the morning
2. watching littles play when they don't know I'm watching
3. baby's breath
4. clean sheets
5. exquisitely, uniquely beautiful snowflakes. Intricately designed by a creator
6. emails from my husband that read "i love you"
7. laughter coming from the backyard
8. a meal shared
9. a late night shower
10. heating bills because it means we are warm
11. 3 little kittens born in the night
12. a healthy winter, not one cold or flu in a family of 9!

Time

The greatest temptation of my time is my impatience, but more so it is my refusal to suffer?

Almost midnight... ~sigh~ the house is pitch black I forgot to shut my bedroom curtains again the moon light is shining right into my room. My sweet little Hannah is sound asleep beside me. I can hear the breaths of Chris deep and rest full. And me I sit here in the dark with tears streaming down my cheeks. Three night in a row this has happened, and it doesn't stop. I pull my baby in close pushing my nose on her soft little head drinking in her newborn smell and the tears become heavy sobs, you know the kind that come from deep down and your whole body physical hurts? I wake in the morning with swollen eye lids. I have never been moved so deeply into prayer.

This prayer feels different, I don't think I could put it into words. My bedroom fills with this thickness of the Holy Spirit I can feel it. ~the tears keep coming~ Time it's going so fast,

I blink and we are celebrating another child's birthday. Did I make sure that he/she knew every signal day what a gift he/she is to me. How many times have I been busy doing "my thing" and I didn't even hear what was said?

How many times has my husband wrapped his arms around me while I'm fixing dinner and I brushed him off because I'm in a hurry to get things on the table?

It's going too fast and yet I can't seem to slow it down. There is no way in the world to get everything I need to done in the day. I become upset when things demand my time... help me Jesus...- be present- be here... when my head my thoughts rob me of my time. When my sin continues to show up again and again. Change me Lord!

Sleepy feet find there way through the dark into my bed. Natalie comes in "can I sleep with you?" it's these moments~ these moments that make my heart race. One day she won't stumble into my room in the middle of the night.

Or have tiny babies curled around my waist nursing in the wee hours.

The sobs continue to grow into the night as I listen in the stillness to the gulps as my baby drinks in love. ~time ~ it brings grace. I see as I get farther and farther along in this journey of motherhood ~grace~

Keep yourselves in God’s love as you wait for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ…

~Jude 1:21

Dear Austin

Oh my how the years have zipped by, my first born baby is becoming a young man right before our very eyes. It's quite an amazing thing to watch your child transform right before you and to see fruit starting to bud in his life.

I love that I can play the last 12 years like and old film strip remembering each year as you grew.

Your first year you were such a sweet sweet baby, I remember being teased by family members because I would never leave you and was so very protective.

From about age one to four you were very attached to us. We couldn't leave you anywhere-not that we wanted to anyways. Alot of times even to go to the next room you were soon behind us.

As I look back at age 5-6-7 you seemed so old like this wise little man. We went through some hard times. With a suicide in the family but you grew so much during that time and really learned what it meant to trust in our Heavenly Father. I look back and I'm kinda "Aw struck". You have always been such a great helper, sometimes when you think no one is listening to you talk to the littler children I melt into mommy bliss. Your sweetness to them is beautiful. Your so much like your dad like that. Quick to help a little one get something or chasing one of them as the house fills with excited screams of laughter. I defiantly see the Lord has blessed you with wisdom. You are such a good example to your younger siblings. I pray this next year you will continue to grow in your love for Him. And that you will dig deep - deep calls out too deep remember that ;).

Austin you truly are a gift to us.

Thanks be to God for HIS indescribable gifts 2 Corinthians 9:15