Grace All Over Again

Thoughts at the end of May, this post may possibly be all over the place.

I can remember two other times in my spiritual walk where I have felt the way I do. The first time was soon after I became saved and the second time was about three years ago. It's hard to explain what I am feeling. During these times I experienced major growth in my walk but yet it is very painful and yet nothing is happening. Odd? Yea I know... If I were to explain it by fleshy feelings the word that comes to mind is "lonely" yet that can't make sense. I have so much going on.

The Lord had started preparing my heart for all this back in January when we felt Him asking us to step out in a certain way a little more. This past month the Lord decided it was time to show me my legalistic heart. This was such a blow to me, so much that there were times I was reading my bible and it was hard to breath. It was like pulling the rug out from my feet. I realized how much comfort I took in my idea's, it felt safe. It made me feel in control of things my family, my homeschool, my church, my pride. my image. But the sad thing is I have been missing out, He showed me there is nothing save about it at all. It is a slow suffocation that is deadly to His Will for your life. The hard to breath verses that were bursting out of the pages at me were things like Hebrews 11:6 " without faith it is impossible to please God."
I have been a homeschooling mom for 7 years now and for 7 years I have jumped into a culture and blocked everything else out. It's so much easier and comfortable when all your friends believe what you do. But this was another pull to the rug under my feet, we are not called to be a comfortable people! We are called to 100% trust and lean on Him.

Tonight we were in Walmart, and the past few times I've been there the line ups have been down the aisle with three tills open. And every time I have gone I keep ending up with the same young girl. Honestly by the fourth time getting her I was rolling my eyes and really annoyed that I kept ending up in this till. She's a little socially backwards and starts a conversation with the customers 4 or 5 ahead of you and just keeps talking. Today was different though, as fast as I was feeling annoyed and going to back out of the line when I saw her He spoke to me " love your neighbor as yourself', When you love Me you love the least of these" OUCH!


"...Sometimes people add many other factors to their devotion to Christ. Instead of purity of devotion to Christ, they are more devoted to dress, diet, denomination, choice in educating their children, and entertainments they avoid, just to name a few...

To make matters worse, they have so elevated these things that they see them as synonymous to love for Christ.

The loftiness of such thinking against the knowledge of God is revealed when they can't love or fellowship with others who don't hold their convictions. Instead of tearing down walls between brothers and sisters in Christ, they build walls. It is possible the ones who don't hold their convictions have a more pure devotion to Jesus Christ and His work on the cross than they do..."
(N. Wakefield from "Tearing Down Walls.")

Some may worry about me after reading this, but the truth is on the outside my life will look no different, my convictions are still the same. But what has changed is my heart. And for that it brings me to tears. The Lord truly does an amazing work, it breaks me to think of what He has done for me.