Friday, February 21, 2014

A Letter to my Hannah



                         My precious Hannah... how are you three years old already? It amazes me how time passes. I love watching you grow, I love the little person you are becoming. I love how at three you already know who you are. You love to wear dresses and say every time " I'm a princess".  You love hot baths, nail polish, baby dolls, and little figurine toys.  I love when we catch you in your make believe world, your creativity amazes us.
I'm sorry I didn't get time to plan you a cute little party with a theme and little friends. I was really hoping I could have done that for you.

 I would like to promise you that I will love you unconditionally. I promise to encourage you. To help you and be there for you. I promise to be your ear, your shoulder, and your biggest cheerleader. I promise to respect you and treat you with kindness. I promise when I mess up I will apologize to you. I promise to never push you away or cause you to grow up too fast. 

For now my dearest little love thank you, thank you for making my life more beautiful I can't imaging not having your warm little body snuggled up to me every morning. Or hearing you say "I love you mommy"  I pray this year you grow and discover new things that your infectious laughter would fill our home and hearts.



School Review


We made Valentines with our feet.
 
Remember those gears the middles got, well it turns out my big guys are quite creative with them.
 
School has been going well, homeschooling through a crisis is very stretching and really brings out how strong or weak your conviction is. So far I'd say we are pretty darn strong ;)  Homeschooling for us is a lifestyle not just an educational option. It is family-centric, so we work together, play together, worship together, laugh together, cry together and in times like this it really solidifies that. I pray if it teaches my children anything it's that their parents persevere through hard times.
We are doing a mini study on emotions and how God created all the things we feel and what it means to not let your emotions do the driving.  
We have been building paragraphs together with the middles, they come up with the greatest ideas. 
 
We still have a ton of snow so as soon as the book work is finished everyone is eager to go sled or build a new track. Swimming at the pool weekly has become a great past time. The children met friends on Sunday there and swam for the afternoon. Swimming


Wednesday, February 12, 2014

3 Months Today

My little love bugs are three months old today. Three months my little man fights for his life with every heart beat and his twin bond encourages him to keep going. Today was a milestone we made our first pumping goal. Henry has only ever been given formula once after his surgery he is fed EBM through continuous NG feeds.
God is giving us Grace through the pain to get through each day. I am learning what it truly means to be so empty and have no strength and fully count on His strength. Some days go smooth and I am strong and confidant and others I am shaking in fear crying and screaming on the floor. God is using one of the most amazing things to teach us to be joyful in suffering. How can you not wake up every morning to TWO babies smiling from ear to ear at you. My heart feels like it could explode every morning.  Without these tests how could our faith be perfected?  I am not passing these tests perfectly nope not even close, I'm failing most of them but I know if I'm faithful and allow the Lord to do his work we will come out on the other end when the real joy comes knowing we held on to the Lord through it all. Then I can say to other mama's starting out " I know, I really know and the Lord is faithful to bring you through each day."

Sunday, February 9, 2014

Our Story

 The past 3 weeks have been spent in hospital with our precious treasure Henry. He was having a hard time holding his oxygen up. Henry has been through so much in 12 weeks of life he has had  6 echos, 6 EKG, 10 x rays , feeding study,  1 OHS, 2 ct scans I lost count of all the pokes, and 4 admissions..
 
This song was written by a fellow heart mom and she nailed it exactly what life is like. I don't think it will ever get easy. I have never had my heart break into so many piece yet held together by how much joy this tiny life brings me.  Many nights I would be up in my rocking chair at the hospital praying but my prayers are more like helpless pleas to the one who can heal him. It's funny how when your pregnant and people ask you " what do you want a boy or a girl?" and the answer is " doesn't matter as long as it's healthy." You know a baby who isn't healthy you want just the same.
 
 

After a week in our local hospital we were transferred to BC Children's Hospital by an air ambulance.



We were eight days at BCCH where many tests where done,  Henry was in heart failure, he had an upper GI study done which showed his milk going down the vocal cords into his lungs he was later diagnosed with Chronic Lung Disease he was aspirating his feeds and is now 100% NG tube fed, he has pulmonary hypertension which he is now on meds for. We were then transferred back to our local hospital where we spent another week. The days are emotion filled and from one hour to the next he is doing OK to not good.


Henry and Seamus are quite the ladies men charming every nurse that came in the room. I am so thankful each and every nurse that poured love onto my babies daily they really do become family. I am thankful for the friends that came in the evening and rocked Seamus to sleep so I could cuddle Henry, Dana, Kerri, Erin, Sarah, Heather, and to my friend Danielle that pumped her breast milk for Seamus for the 12 hours I was away from him during our transfer. My fellow heart mom Brandee that's been on the other end of the computer encouraging me cheering me on. Though we have only met once I am so thankful for her.
Although I never would have chose this life we are growing in huge ways. I think when we only have healthy kids we don't realise in the deepest way what a gift each day is.

My oldest four spending a whole week at Walmart selling
pop corn to raise money for all our trips and bills while Chris
is off work.  I have never felt so proud of them to see they truly
get what being a family is all about.  The praise from our community
has been overwhelming.
  Day 2 of being home now. It's actually really hard when you first come home.. It's really overwhelming to be home without the doctor just down the hall. It's such a mix of emotion thrilled to be a family under one roof again but sad cause it feels like your home more "broken" then you went in... And it's not how you wanted or envisioned going home. It's hard cause everyone expects you to be so happy yet you spent a lot of time worried.
 It will be OK we will find our groove and dance around the crazy amount of tubing.