It's amazing how death always takes us by surprise. Even though we all know one day it will happen but when it does we are shocked it did.
On Saturday my Dad's Mother passed away peacefully in her sleep. It's sad she is gone.
I have wrestled for two days now with my emotions.
I am sad for the relationship I never had with her. The relationship she never wanted with me.
I'm remembering the 7 year old little knowing I was not loved by her. And now at 28 finally dealing with the rejection that I for so long told myself I didn't care.
Truly it is a misery even to live upon the earth. The more spiritual a man desires to be, the more bitter does his present life become to him; because he sees more clearly and perceives more sensibly the defects of human corruption.
Thomas a Kempis
The next two days are going to be hard, I have done alot of crying so much infact I don't even look like myself. My eye lids are swollen and feel like they are water bags when I blink. But I am choosing joy and I am going to walk with my Heavenly Father through this.
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It was a peaceful Monday today, I sat up for most of the night sorting my heart out watching as the snow fell, it was so calming. The baby was as restless as I was so I wraped him and I up and brought him out to the living room with me and he laid on my chest as we just sat together. The house was silent I could just hear his sweet little breaths of comfort. I cherish the priceless simplicities of life.....
On Saturday my Dad's Mother passed away peacefully in her sleep. It's sad she is gone.
I have wrestled for two days now with my emotions.
I am sad for the relationship I never had with her. The relationship she never wanted with me.
I'm remembering the 7 year old little knowing I was not loved by her. And now at 28 finally dealing with the rejection that I for so long told myself I didn't care.
Truly it is a misery even to live upon the earth. The more spiritual a man desires to be, the more bitter does his present life become to him; because he sees more clearly and perceives more sensibly the defects of human corruption.
Thomas a Kempis
The next two days are going to be hard, I have done alot of crying so much infact I don't even look like myself. My eye lids are swollen and feel like they are water bags when I blink. But I am choosing joy and I am going to walk with my Heavenly Father through this.
_____________________________________________________________________
It was a peaceful Monday today, I sat up for most of the night sorting my heart out watching as the snow fell, it was so calming. The baby was as restless as I was so I wraped him and I up and brought him out to the living room with me and he laid on my chest as we just sat together. The house was silent I could just hear his sweet little breaths of comfort. I cherish the priceless simplicities of life.....
2 comments:
Its hard to deal with that sort of heart wrenching rejection .... are we not blessed that Jesus, no matter how sinful we are, does not reject us.
I think that it makes us develop relationships with others differently, so outomes are different. Like how your kids are close to your mom ... a grandmother that is part of their lives so that they never have to feel that pain that you have. And because that is how families are supposed to be.
So sorry for your loss, compounding the loss that you felt when you were younger. I'm praying for your peace, today and always.
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