Grace All Over Again

Thoughts at the end of May, this post may possibly be all over the place.

I can remember two other times in my spiritual walk where I have felt the way I do. The first time was soon after I became saved and the second time was about three years ago. It's hard to explain what I am feeling. During these times I experienced major growth in my walk but yet it is very painful and yet nothing is happening. Odd? Yea I know... If I were to explain it by fleshy feelings the word that comes to mind is "lonely" yet that can't make sense. I have so much going on.

The Lord had started preparing my heart for all this back in January when we felt Him asking us to step out in a certain way a little more. This past month the Lord decided it was time to show me my legalistic heart. This was such a blow to me, so much that there were times I was reading my bible and it was hard to breath. It was like pulling the rug out from my feet. I realized how much comfort I took in my idea's, it felt safe. It made me feel in control of things my family, my homeschool, my church, my pride. my image. But the sad thing is I have been missing out, He showed me there is nothing save about it at all. It is a slow suffocation that is deadly to His Will for your life. The hard to breath verses that were bursting out of the pages at me were things like Hebrews 11:6 " without faith it is impossible to please God."
I have been a homeschooling mom for 7 years now and for 7 years I have jumped into a culture and blocked everything else out. It's so much easier and comfortable when all your friends believe what you do. But this was another pull to the rug under my feet, we are not called to be a comfortable people! We are called to 100% trust and lean on Him.

Tonight we were in Walmart, and the past few times I've been there the line ups have been down the aisle with three tills open. And every time I have gone I keep ending up with the same young girl. Honestly by the fourth time getting her I was rolling my eyes and really annoyed that I kept ending up in this till. She's a little socially backwards and starts a conversation with the customers 4 or 5 ahead of you and just keeps talking. Today was different though, as fast as I was feeling annoyed and going to back out of the line when I saw her He spoke to me " love your neighbor as yourself', When you love Me you love the least of these" OUCH!


"...Sometimes people add many other factors to their devotion to Christ. Instead of purity of devotion to Christ, they are more devoted to dress, diet, denomination, choice in educating their children, and entertainments they avoid, just to name a few...

To make matters worse, they have so elevated these things that they see them as synonymous to love for Christ.

The loftiness of such thinking against the knowledge of God is revealed when they can't love or fellowship with others who don't hold their convictions. Instead of tearing down walls between brothers and sisters in Christ, they build walls. It is possible the ones who don't hold their convictions have a more pure devotion to Jesus Christ and His work on the cross than they do..."
(N. Wakefield from "Tearing Down Walls.")

Some may worry about me after reading this, but the truth is on the outside my life will look no different, my convictions are still the same. But what has changed is my heart. And for that it brings me to tears. The Lord truly does an amazing work, it breaks me to think of what He has done for me.

Some Interesting Things About Me

I've been thinking lately on why I can easily get so frustrated with people and I *think* it comes down to being an introvert.
I am always thinking. I think this is why I enjoy my blog so much, I can say what I feel like saying. I much more prefer written communication over talking. In my marriage when I need to talk but don't know how because it's too heavy for me I keep a written journal for Chris to read. But I think this is why I am so misunderstood with my friends.

As an introvert I have a tendency to always be observing. Which can easily be mistaken for being "snobby" It's funny because I like being around people, though not necessarily for the purpose of interacting.
But, as a introvert I need solitude in order to recharge. Solitude is a necessity, I don't thrive too long with out it.

I need alot of time alone. This may not make much sense coming from a mother of 6, but being alone with just my family is "alone" to me. Spending to much time with people drains me I slowly begin to shut down, until it becomes necessary to withdraw from the situation.

I found out things unique to me, as an introvert, that I had never thought of. For example, I don't do well with interruptions. Why? Because of my need to think before I respond. This often causes extroverts to grow impatient, which is why we tend to have other people answer for us. I usually don't get past an "Uh..." or a "Hmm..." because by the time I'm ready to answer, someone has already answered for me!

Introverts dislike small talk. We prefer deep meaningful conversations with one or two close friends.

Although I love quiet solitude, I also love having a few deep and intimate relationships. With these two things, I thrive.

Who Needs Dolls?

Who needs dolls when you can play with real babies?!?!

He's Five Already?!

Five years ago tonight I was getting all settled in for the night with my new baby boy.

Boy #3!

When Presley was a baby we would always speak of how much Joy this little fellow had.

His eyes from the start beamed.

Presley's big into "best friends" right now. He constantly talks about who his best friends are and they happen to be everyone in our house. lol

Often in the mornings when we are doing our Bible reading I'm never to sure how much he is really listening until he randomly says something. And then we are all shocked that he knew something.

We have been memorizing Romans 2 lately and reading it over and over. And he floored me one night when we were driving home and he started rattling it off.

*I love little baby teeth*

He is very bright, I remember when he was 18 months old we could show him the alphabet and ask where any letter was and he could point them out. Although he is only five he will be starting grade 2 later this fall.

He is excelling in violin and blows his teacher away every week, he took it upon himself to teach himself piano. He watched his brother practise daily and then started playing there pieces.

We all almost fell over when he started playing fur Elise by Beethoven by memory.

He is a mover and a shaker, he is going to do great things for the kingdom, his talents are gifts from the Lord and he is learning to use them for His Glory!

Chris and I are excited to see what the Lord has planned for his life, but we are sure it's going to be big.

Running my Race

On Sunday I ran my 5K race. I trained with a friend for 6 weeks. The day had come, I was so nervous I couldn't even eat before I ran. I wanted to give it everything I had.

After the run was completed and we all were home, I went to lay my aching body into bed and I started to re-play the race in my head. I couldn't believe how closely it resembles our spiritual race.

Keep your eyes straight ahead;
ignore all sideshow distractions.
Watch your step,
and the road will stretch out smooth before you.
Look neither right nor left;
leave evil in the dust.
Proverb 4:2527

The finish line is what keeps you going, you see it in the distance but everything in you wants to stop and give up. Running is hard and it hurts just like our spiritual run. We can get side tracked and caught up in strategies that we forget the goal. And the goal is to finish and finish well. If we start focusing how everyone around us is running we can get so side tracked we lose our race.




I was very pleased with my time 033:03 , the last time I ran 5K my time was 039:56 so a big difference.