I really wanted to share this cause it is so true.
A friend of mine wrote it and I couldn't of said it better.
Recently a popular Christian counseling program set me back on my heels with an uncharactaristically biased and careless rant against a certain type of Christian family, based on second hand information from a caller who was complaining about them.
I don’t need to rant back about that in particular, but it did get me to thinking about the rock and the hard place that some of us are between. It may be because of homeschooling, or being visibly conservative, or being open to (or having already) a large family, but the critiques come from all sides, and sometimes they arrive at the same time, with completely opposite messages.
The radio show caller reminded me of one of the common things I’ve seen that homeschooling and large Christian families fear (with good reason). This fear, and the real experiences of this problem, have been published and discussed among homeschoolers and other “odd” types of families for as long as we’ve had any kind of forum for discussion. People look at us and judge. People who pride themselve on their progressivism and tolerance feel free, with us, to be judgemental. They watch our children’s behavior. They make assumptions about us based on the way we’re dressed or the house we live in or the state of our housekeeping.
On the one side, if we are too casual, or wearing thrift store clothing, or if our children are noisy or occasionally disobedient, or if we have laundry piled somewhere and not neatly folded in drawers, or if the kitchen floor is sticky and there are dishes in the sink…we are obviously incapable of living this lifestyle and properly caring for our children, and we should just get sterilized and send them to public school where they can be cared for and taught properly.
On the other side, if we present ourselves to the public as neat, clean and tidy, and our children are reasonably obedient, and everybody works together to keep the house running efficiently and with minimal chaos…we have obviously beaten our children into submissive little personality-deficient robots and are obsessed with a romanticized view of homemaking and deprive our children of a childhood making them so busy cleaning up their toys and we should get sterilized pronto and send them to public school where they will be properly cared for and socialized.
If you ever read snark blogs or message boards and even a few “news” articles about the Duggar family, or about conservative Christianity in general, you will see this for yourself. In almost the same breath, armchair psychologists will simultaneously critique the “robot like” obedience while criticizing the “obvious chaos and misbehavior” in a family. Or sneer at thrift shopping for clothes while at the same time growing sour grapes over the family’s financial ability to feed umpteen kids (though of course, parents who really love their kids would feed them organic). And when that gets tiresome (or someone points out inconsistencies) there’s always good, juicy gossip. A family like that can’t be psycologically healthy. The father obviously has a messianic complex. The mother is addicted to pregnancy. The parents are obsessivly overprotective. The children are clearly either going to grow up to be psychopaths or dreadful ignoramuses. Who wants to guess at some seedy happenings going on there? Oh yes, how could there not be! Let’s imagine!! In one such discussion, readers were assured (by someone who is undoubtedly an expert) that there was no reason to feel jealous if they met “one of those” families, who appeared well-pressed and whose children were well-behaved. Because, you know, it’s almost certain that the poor kids were beaten into fearful submission and had no real relationship with their parents. After reading that, I can never hear a compliment about my children’s behavior, without wondering if the compliment-giver is assuming I’m some kind of abusive monster in private.
And of course, if any such family should dare to try to explain or answer these criticisms, or God forbid express happiness and pleasure with the life they lead, then it’s fair to call them prideful, arrogant, judgemental and also in complete denial about the horrors of the life they’ve chosen. Apparently “live and let live” does not apply to us.
No matter what we do, someone’s got snark for it. Somebody’s got a diagnosis. Somebody’s got spiritual superiority over us. It seems hardly worthwhile to bother answering objections, given how irrational and inconsistent so many of them are. And yet it we don’t, it seems like capitulation or even agreement.
Rock. Hard place.
3 comments:
The best I've heard, after debunking every argument against homeschooling and proving it's value, was that we should still put the kids in public school because "that's what the majority do".
There are some who, no matter what you do, squirm at the idea of doing anything outside of "what the majority does."
On some level, I think everyone experiences judgement for how they structure their family. I could have two kids in public school, playing in every sport there is and someone will balk at the fact that they aren't in piano.
Praise God that he isn't inconsistent and tyrannical and has borne the judgement for the things we have done wrong!
No matter what our convictions are whether it be to homeschool or not, large family or small, thrift clothes or new there are always those who just have a bad habit of criticizing others. On the other hand I have read and heard those on the more conservative side bash those who don't share their same convictions and speak of them in generalities and make assumptions about them. I think at times we all fall into that trap of criticizing and it reminds me that just because something would not be my choice doesn't necessarily make it wrong or bad.
Unfortunately its the world we live in. It doesn't matter who, what, where, when or why, someone, somewhere is disagreeing with something we do ... Christian or otherwise. We live in a judgmental world. Wouldn't it be nice if someone asked why and listened with genuine openess to your reponse, be it about thrift store clothing or home-schooling or even the choice in your family size (although those decisions are yours and yours alone) ...... and simply listened and didn't judge.
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